Within a Room Somewhere
by Blancwene
Summary: Anakin rebuilds himself into a monster. A poem.


AN: Written one night last year when I was reflecting on how horrible Vader's reconstruction must have been. This is not my normal style of poetry – I usually prefer very controlled meters like iambic tetrameter, so playing around with blank verse was new for me. And because obaona bugged me about it, I've been slowly turning this into a song. Enjoy!

Within a Room Somewhere

I am broken,

frag

ment

ed

pieces

slipping through my fingers

into an abyss,

a world without

reason and sanity-

falling,

dropping,

diving,

past sense

and honor

and right

and wrong-

where is my brain?

lying on the table,

harsh lights overhead-

the surgeon's blade approaches-

sharp-

quick, merciless reconstruction-

a jab

a cut

and something is gone

the world burns in my eyes

a holodrama in faded hues-

I see myself

and yet I don't

that can't be my body

scarred

shattered

battered

I was young

did he steal that too?

was he the one

who unraveled the seams

binding my mind and soul as one?

a pity, really

destroying his own handiwork

another stab

keener, deeper

they remove my morals slowly,

snipping loose wires and searching

for something

anything

to fill its place

perhaps lust?

no, too fickle-

never content with the present,

always looking for improvements-

but power - yes, power-

is solid enough

and hard enough

just one push and it's in

cemented

stuck

all gaps filled - except one

a tiny hole, really

it'll never do harm

unless-

unless-

oh Mama, it hurts 

_I can't handle the pain_

_stop them_

_please, Mama, make them leave_

_where have you gone?_

_I need you_

_I want you_

_close beside me_

_comforting, calming_

_please chase these monsters away_

_I don't understand why they're here_

_such agony_

_save me, protect me_

_oh, please-_

the knife strikes again

probing for weakness - what more needs to go?

ah - compassion-

sympathy for others is

useless

a waste of energy

I feel a twinge, but only that

fast procedure-

drop it in the trash before I begin to miss

those feelings-

so sweet-

life was so much brighter

when others cared

perhaps, happier too

in those days-

false

all false

it can't be so

they hated me all along

jealousy

envy drove them to desperation

and they attacked me,

stole my gifts

yes, they tried to murder-

_oh Mama, it hurts_

_I can't handle the pain_

_stop them_

_please, Mama, make them leave_

_where have you gone?_

_I need you_

_I want you_

_close beside me_

_comforting, calming_

_please chase these monsters away-_

something new arrives

_control_, the label reads

it will fit

so load it in

cram it among soft tissue

hardwired to power's demands

but something else must go-

they poke

study

and find

justice

what garbage-

victims die, murderers go free

the truth lies

deception wins-

they tug it out,

cause groans of pain

but I don't care-

then it's gone

vanished

tossed into the darkness of the night

searching for another-

a new owner-

while strength takes its place

strength that will never falter,

never fail,

protection against emotions-

brute, fierce, invincible-

_oh Mama, it hurts_

_I can't handle the pain_

_stop them_

_please, Mama, make them leave_

_where have you gone?_

I need you- 

something remains

blocking perfection

ethereal,

weightless

floating past all attacks-

love is swift,

folding itself into tiny crevices

hidden from vicious scalpels

so box it in

wall it up between hatred and anger

a mighty containment center

yet not as great as I hoped

cracks remain

leaks

tiny openings for possible escapes-

but it doesn't move

still

motionless

is that resignation in its inactivity?

it is controlled,

bound by vehement force

raw, unrestrained

more power than I can wield-

oh yes, Mama

come save me now

you never answered-

selfish

fragile

misled

you thought you followed the truth

poor fool

I helped myself

self-surgery

a reconstruction of broken dreams

and here I stand-

terrifying-

terrible-

who needs you

and your circle of error?

I've found true might,

the true Force-

darkness-

on my own.

FIN


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